We’re reaching the end of an era in the hockey world. I’m anticipating withdrawls. I’ve already anticipated the worst and have a psychiatrist on speed-dial (Avery gave me the number of a good guy). Reading every paper, watching TSN and Sportsnet everyday, getting my fix while I still can. Unfortunately, there’s only days left of “sloppy seconds”.

Mats Sundin has finally signed with an NHL club.

Can you believe it? We won’t get a daily breaking update interupting our day to announce that agent JP Barry said Mats told him he was thinking about the NHL today before he had a club sandwich for lunch. So please tell me Steve ‘Can’t-Skate’ Simmons, Darren ‘Douchebag’ Dreger, what you think Sundin will do, now that the ‘club sandwich factor’ has been uncovered. Now I’m not sure how I can go without so much “news”, since it’s been almost what, ten months since the “will Mats be traded?” talks. Ten constant months of speculation with little to no actual fact other than “JP said Mats said he might”… Well I have become addicted to this wildly entertaining and information journalism. I’m doing my best to determine what can be done to fill this void, and have come to the five possible solutions.

a) In response to Mats Sundin’s return to professional hockey, Gino Odjick announces his plans to return to the show as well. Unfortunately Gino got lost 5 minutes outside of Maniwaki… Also Gino can’t read.

b) Jiri Tlusty is called back up to NHL while coincidentally, he “accidentally” releases more nude photos of himself.

c) Willie Mitchell beats up all the Europeans on Vancouver and demands a trade to Anaheim where they only have two Euros.

d) Cassie Campbell accepts my standing offer to marry her, while also giving me her gold medals, as well as introducing me to Ron MacLean and Kelly Hrudey.

e) Brian Burke organizes a lunch date with Kevin Lowe where he slips a roofie into Lowe’s drink. Kevin Lowe wakes up three days later and never offers a RFA a contract ever again.

f) Len Barrie calls former teammate, Mario Lemieux to ask for advice on owning a team. Mario responds “Let Sidney Crosby sleep with your daughter”.